18

The first social media platform I was allowed on was Instagram in 2015. I was 13 years old and I was very unsure of myself. I was deeply insecure and still trying to find my place in this world. I tried desperately to be like the ‘popular’ girls on Instagram. Everything need to fit my ‘theme' and be aesthetically pleasing. I was trying to fit some mold that didn’t even exist.

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Currently, I am still questioning a lot. Bisexual would be the best label to describe me, but I’m still unsure in my attraction to men. I do know that I am attracted to women and nonbinary people. I identify as female, though I don’t really believe in the gender binary. I am just most comfortable using she/her pronouns and being perceived as a woman.

 

I first learned about bisexuality in middle school, probably in eighth grade. I think this was around the time Shane Dawson game out as bisexual. My friends were obsessed with Shane — for some reason — and they were talking about it. I read more about it in online spaces. At the time, I didn’t really understand myself and didn’t know what sexual attraction was like for me, so I didn’t think much of it. Every time I had feelings for someone who wasn’t a man, I brushed it off as platonic or ‘everyone experiences this.’ It wasn’t until I left home and found spaces where I could really be myself, whatever that meant, that I was able to find how much that label

really described me. Hearing other women’s experiences in discovering their sexuality also helped me to discover this. I have always felt female and been told I was a girl. I have never had

any experiences where I felt like these words didn’t describe me, but I wonder what it would have been like for me if these words were not forced on me as a kid.

 

I follow many LGBTQ+ creators and they are all amazing people. I feel really heard when people with thousands or millions of followers are addressing things that I deal with. I would describe the experience as educational, as many of them also talk about things I do not deal with in my life. That way I can be a better ally to other people in the LGBTQ+ community.

 

I am lucky and have never felt uncomfortable or unsafe in any online space. I don’t engage in arguments or places where I think people will react negatively. I am not out in most online spaces, especially in spaces where there are people I know from my hometown. I am out in other spaces that are anonymous or very LGBTQ friendly, but these spaces do not include people I

know from back home.

 

Social media has been an amazing tool for me to get out of the mindset of my parents and my small town and open myself up to new ideas and experiences. I have learned so much about myself and about what is happening in the world because of social media. I don’t think I would have discovered my sexuality if it weren’t for social media and my exposure to things I wouldn’t have seen otherwise. People talk all the time about the harm of social media, but for some people, social media and online spaces are the only places they can be themselves. I have felt this a lot recently as I grapple with my identity and how other people feel about it. I hope one day I can be out to the world and everyone will be okay with it. For now, I have my TikToks and my online messaging and the people I’ve met on my college campus.