2

Oh my god, I thought I was a weirdo for so long. 

 

Like, for a while I thought I was gay and then I was like, ‘but I’m also attracted to men. But then I’m also attracted to people who look androgynous’ — because there was no one in my high school that identified as nonbinary so I did not know that was a thing. There were maybe three gay kids and they were all guys and they were very stereotypically gay — like that’s how they always acted. And so I just didn’t understand it at all. And I didn’t really understand myself at all because of it.

 

I really just kept my head down in high school and just tried to fit in because I was not willing to deal with everything. I remember most of all my female friends except for one in high school were white. And that had a big role to play in it because I would act very white and dress very white and like didn’t really have or want to pursue my own identity. 

​

Now that’s totally changed, and I’m just like ‘forget all of that,’ I do whatever I want and wear whatever I want.

As far as, like, my personal Instagram goes, I don’t really post any pictures of myself anymore. It’s like my platform to talk about activist work, especially like Black Lives Matter, stuff that’s been happening in Armenia, and then, like, queer rights. 

 

I was, for a hot sec, contemplating whether or not I should come out on social media and then decided against it just because I fully just didn’t want to deal with the backlash that was gonna happen. I’m extremely uncomfortable when I get a message — like whenever I get it on, you know, my personal account. I always get scared, like every single time, because I’m just like, ‘yeah, I’m gonna hear some racism right now.’

​

And, you know, sometimes it’s bad and most of the time it’s not. It just still always makes me anxious. 

 

I think the gravity that race has when it comes to coming out is often ignored and shouldn’t be just because certain communities are far more likely to stigmatize you and not understand who you are or your sexuality.

 

Like I’m Christian and my church is, like, really messed up. Which is not okay. But I still value that and it’s a really important part of who I am. And I fully, do not believe that what the church, or at least the Armenian church, and often most other churches preach is accurate as far as LGBT rights go.

​

I think if I was not afraid of repercussions from my church community and my Armenian community, then I would come out. But those are two things that are really important to me. And I don’t really have to come out because bi people have the privilege of being in a straight-passing relationship, which I’m in right now. 

 

And so I can just pretend, you know. And that’s how it is.